24 and down over 1.5mil for life and over 300k in debt haha (F-Bomb Warning)

Monday Major: Sagar Choudhury ชนะ Iron Man Karan Lochab เอาชนะ Voyager

I kinda just wrote this out as a reply to someone else but fuck it let me give some more details in here just cause I don’t know what the fuck else I’m going to do today.I’m 24 and don’t take my story as “one upping”. Just wanna show you how bad I am and let you know there’s still hope.So I fucking somehow managed to by the age of 24 royally fuck up my life.At 18 I started gambling hard and it resulted in me getting kicked out of uni. Just a few thousand dollars down at that point. Maybe 10k. I mean I was gambling before 18 too but it picked up aroundh ere.Managed to get into uni again before september so you know, only 1 year behind. Not bad. Time to get my life on track.Nope. Start gambling again. Mix of options, poker, blackjack,etc.This time I was borrowing money to do it. So not just losing money I had. Now I’m losing money I didn’t have.Couldn’t pay the school cause I had to pay people and take a year off.I thought I learned my lesson. Go back to school again study hard. Work hard. Gamble hard. Wait. No. Yup. Back to gambling. Managed to make 250k illegally at 20-21. Better yet, managed to lose 450k gambling.Owe money to the wrong people. Try to dig myself out.Just dug deeper.Get my family to bail me out 200k.They’re pissed. They’re scared. They’re worried.I got my second chance. Time to clean up my life.Nope. Back to gambling within 4 weeks.Fuck up hard again.Owe 30k this time. Small beans compared to last time but family has no money and I can’t think to face them.Figure there’s only one way out.Try to kill myself.Too fucking retarded to even do that right.Wake up in hospital. Have to come clean all over again.Work out a payment plan with the guy I owe money to that my parents take care of with money they don’t have.Go to get treatment for addition. It’s going alright. I still gamble but at least I feel bad when I do and it’s a lot less.Finally stop gambling regularly. I guess therapy worksTime for me to get back into studying. Nope. Fuck that up again too.Family drama comes up. Have to stop going to therapy.I’m stressed. Let me just buy some options.At least I’m not gambling.Wait.Fuck.I’m 23 now. Been making some money illegally again. Had a few wins here and there. I figured out how to game the system! Just gotta leave when I’m up instead of doubling down when I’m down.Stupid fucking plan.Make and lose 750k in 2020. (Illegally again, and got incredibly luck to even be able to do that)Okok time to fix up my life. Fuck university. Can’t blow more money on this. All my friends graduated this year too. Let me do a college diploma.I heard there’s big money in tech anyway.Okay start studying. Shit’s going good. Still gambling but slowing it down a lot. I get some nice wins, few losses. Over all not doing too shabby.Big win! Oh yes baby. Finally things starting to go my way haha!Oh big loss… small compared to that huge win though!fuck another big loss. It’s okay I’m still up.Big loss again..oh no.. it’s a pattern.Back to even?? How is that possible.Alright no big deal I can just win big again!Fuck maybe not.Slowly start borrowing money again.Lose it.Borrow money to pay off borrowed money.Oh I just need to pay off 5k. Fuck lost it.10k. Fuck. lost it.okay 20k to make 10k easy easy.Fuck. lost it.Time to shuffle money around ponzi scheme style.I am bad at ponzi scheme.Borrow money. Lose it again. FUCKFeb 08 2021 – 4:27AM. Down 130k.Got a call 3 hours ago saying if I don’t pay up 10k by Friday and then another 10k by the end of the month I’m going to have some “problems”.Family no longer has a dime to give me nor do they want to.Pretty fucked. Trying to work out a payment plan tomorrow morning if I can. If not then gotta figure something else out. I send them 2.9k in good faith on the 10k but still need to find 7.1k.Wanna know the funny thing? I had another 3.6k which I gambled right after the phone call trying to run it up to 10k to pay them back.Even knowing everything I do now I still go to gambling haha.Anyway. I’m just saying all this cause I don’t know what the fuck else to do.In my situation I know that these guys aren’t going to kill me. They just want their money.Told you I’m 130k in debt right. That’s just right now to people from gambling.Throw in my parents, the bank, student loans, credit cards etc.?I’m around 350k in debt.What a fucking hole to dig out of hahaSuper desensitized to money now too. No god damn respect for anything.The way I used to make money illegally has dried up too. Might be able to make another 10-20k this year from it but that’s not gonna help me pay off 130k in debt.Been going to addition help for the last 2 weeks. Big help that was. Hoping that it’ll help me more soon though :/Also fuck this story is missing so much other shit I just don’t know where to put it in…Got involved with organized crime at one point. Losing 10s of thousands a week of money I didn’t have at poker games there.Stole jewelry from my family after they bailed me out to pay debts. (Took it to a pawnshop cause I wanted to buy it back and replace it before they noticed it was missing)Fucking managed to gamble that too before paying the debts though.But yeah. I don’t know.Rambling so hard right now.Also before anyone thinks I’m rich or anything and can afford all this. My parents combined yearly income is around 45k a year. We are actually kinda homeless. Only reason we’re not on the street right now is cause my grandparents got a small apartment for us cause they don’t want my parents to suffer cause of my fuck ups.Don’t think I could ever go back to them and look them in the eye to get help.Don’t think they’d ever even want to help me.Everyone in my life that has helped me is sick and tired of what I am.Keep making the same mistakes over and over.Trying to help myself but I think I just can’t live without stress.I don’t even know what that would be like. Can’t remember what my life was like last time I wasn’t stressed. I don’t even know what that feeling is.Worst part is I gamble when I’m stressed so that’s fucking great.Anyway, I’m just rambling on right now. Feels kidna nice to just get it out even if there’s no one in particular I’m talking to.Not sure how to end this.Let me say this. To anyone who has it worse than me and to anyone that has it better. Don’t give up hope.I think these pits will make the highs in life that much brighter and I’ll be able to appreciate them more.Sounds cliche as fuck. LolI’ll end off here.If you made it this far, thanks for reading my story. Would love to read yours.-BigDummy96

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